When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
