I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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