nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
