Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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