OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize