Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
