just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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