the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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