Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
