please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
