Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
