You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
