I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
