First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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