I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
