Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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