I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize