I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
420 ftw
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
