So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize