remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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