It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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