Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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