He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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