are you still at the devil's house?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
