i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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