...so i touched it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
