I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
