I'm really into asian looking animals
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
