I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
