I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
