The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize