What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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