he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
