my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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