do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
