I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
