I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We just shotgunned beers for America
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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