where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
