You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
