I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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