We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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