i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
