Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
