All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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