just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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