Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
