It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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