well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
