i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
True college students do jello shots in the library
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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