I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
