So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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