When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
