I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
