I skipped work to stalk him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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