just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
