Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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