I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
