Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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