So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
