im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
