Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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