He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
