I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
