So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
