There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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