Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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