I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So. Much. Porn.
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