everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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