You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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