eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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