There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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