What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
