Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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