dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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